00:01
[Music]
00:13
[Music]
00:29
[Music]
00:35
it is 3 o'clock in the morning and the
00:40
sisters of the order of the Cistercians
00:42
of the strict observance or Travis teens
00:46
as they are commonly called
00:48
are beginning their day a rhythm of life
00:55
rooted in prayer reading and studying
00:59
Sacred Scripture
01:00
Lexi o Divina as it is called and work
01:05
all of it steeped in a deep
01:07
contemplative tradition of silence and
01:11
solitude these Trappist een sisters live
01:17
their lives in obscurity hidden from the
01:20
world in a life that is as mysterious as
01:23
it is genuine and all for only one
01:27
reason God
01:30
[Music]
01:50
the monastic rule of Saint Benedict
01:53
dating back to the fifth century is the
01:57
foundation of life at Mount Saint Mary's
01:59
Abbey located about 40 miles southwest
02:03
of Boston life here is a continual
02:07
prayer whether meditating and praying in
02:11
church spending time in Lexi o Divina in
02:17
the quiet early morning hours of the day
02:27
or working in their state-of-the-art
02:30
high-tech candy factory
02:38
everything is centered on fostering
02:40
a deep personal relationship with Jesus
02:44
Christ this really is a way of having
02:47
nothing in the world but God there is
02:49
the sense that this is where this is
02:52
where I can find God this is where I can
02:55
grow towards him he's my companion I
02:59
mean it's not that I see him he's always
03:03
with me it's in my heart he's in he's in
03:06
my sisters he's in what happens God
03:08
would be the one in my life someone
03:14
names the one reality before all other
03:25
day and today night on tonight season
03:29
after season life for the Trappist teens
03:32
is disciplined and yet remarkably
03:34
routine all of it filled with an
03:37
extraordinary Wonder and awe of God
03:43
ever-present part of the air they
03:46
breathe a divine presence which is
03:49
unmistakable and permanent life in this
03:53
cloistered monastery is all about
03:55
preferring nothing but Jesus Christ
03:58
living in what the sisters call a school
04:01
of mutual love trying to find Christ in
04:05
every moment of every day so it's not
04:10
like as if you're living up in the sky
04:12
but it does have a magic to it I mean it
04:16
is a little bit of heaven it is truly
04:19
and I think that it really makes you
04:23
realize more and more that there is such
04:25
a place as heaven because it has begun a
04:28
little bit here and now when you
04:31
followed the cold you believe you have
04:36
to be happy whether you're single or
04:38
married or religious or consecrated life
04:42
because that's that's what you're made
04:45
for I come from being independent an
04:48
achiever and to a place where a lot of
04:53
those things have to be let go so that I
04:56
can become white not somebody who does
04:59
but somebody who just is and that
05:03
transition is is hard
05:06
[Music]
05:09
but the balance comes when I ask myself
05:13
why did you come it's him
05:18
what do you seek
05:21
it's him why'd you stay I can't live
05:27
without him sister Francesca what do you
05:39
seek oh god you are my god for you I
05:45
long for you my soul is thirsting after
05:50
more than a half-dozen years of
05:52
formation here at Mount Saint Mary's
05:55
sister Francesca Maria Molino
05:58
is making her solemn profession this is
06:02
the day she takes what are called her
06:05
final vows to enter fully into the
06:07
community today marks a culmination of
06:11
one thing yes I will follow you and love
06:16
you all the days of my life my heart is
06:20
ready Oh God my heart is ready the
06:27
desire to be with God they would be on
06:31
the no other reason to leave everything
06:34
to leave your family to leave a good job
06:39
I had everything I could want I I lacked
06:44
nothing and yet it wasn't enough I
06:47
wanted to know God to really know God to
06:51
really dedicate all my energy to that
06:55
and how how to do that and then God
06:58
provided me with provided me with this
07:02
vocation you have to give up these
07:04
things you get attached to just to go
07:07
into unknown spaces where God is and
07:11
that's probably the hardest will you
07:15
strive constantly for perfect love of
07:17
God and neighbor by zealously following
07:21
the Gospels and the rule of Our Fathers
07:23
Saint Benedict has lived in this
07:26
community but I know that even being
07:30
here that I'm serving the great needs of
07:33
the world in a very hidden
07:36
but but that is my vocation and I didn't
07:40
choose it I know that for sure it wasn't
07:42
that I decided to enter a monastery it
07:45
was that God asked this of me our God
07:47
offered it to me and I just said yes
07:50
it's a life that's 100 percent community
07:55
and 100 percent solitude not fifty-fifty
08:00
as you grow in it you realize that the
08:05
heart of community and the heart of a
08:07
true solitude is communion with others
08:10
as if God was asking this of me and God
08:13
had a plan for how I could serve the
08:15
world and to know him more closely who
08:18
was I to say I have a better plan thank
08:21
you very much I'll try something else
08:23
will you by the grace of the Holy Spirit
08:26
live for God alone in solitude and
08:30
silence and spend your life with your
08:34
sisters persevering in prayer and
08:37
generous service I will you can have a
08:42
profound communion with others in the
08:44
silence because the silence is about
08:47
communion with God where you're meeting
08:52
Jesus alone and you're meeting Jesus in
08:55
others and but it's always meeting him
08:59
and being with him
09:01
may God who has begun this good work in
09:05
you bring it to fulfillment in the day
09:09
of Christ Jesus
09:15
living a monastic life requires balance
09:18
finding God throughout the day whether
09:22
it is during prayer study or work here
09:25
at Mount st. Mary's the sisters support
09:29
themselves by making candy Trappist een
09:32
quality candy is sold all over the world
09:45
this is a state-of-the-art highly
09:48
regulated facility here the sisters
09:51
change out of their habits into work
09:53
clothing designed to maintain the plants
09:56
sterile environment the mission of
10:04
finding God in all things and sharing in
10:06
the divine work of creation is the
10:09
foundation of their labor I believe very
10:13
strongly that this job that I've been
10:15
given is my way of living out the vows
10:19
that I made to God and to the community
10:24
to serve the community to serve God to
10:28
serve the people of the world to and the
10:33
more difficult it is to do that the more
10:36
it goes against the grain somehow or the
10:39
more it just seems impossible the more
10:43
it's God's Way of leading me forward and
10:50
God's Way of teaching me to lean on him
10:54
which is really placing myself in God's
10:59
hands and so I trust and I believe that
11:05
he has his hand in all of it and in
11:08
order for the life to really work there
11:12
has to be a balance so that is you can't
11:14
pray too much and not work is its
11:17
measured so that the whole day is
11:19
balanced but after a while the life
11:21
becomes a whole I mean at the beginning
11:24
here when you come to the like our life
11:27
you know you can't wait to get finished
11:30
so that you can come into church and
11:31
pray but after a while your prayer
11:33
sleeps and you know it to your work and
11:36
to everything else so that after a while
11:39
it's up you know like a seamless garment
11:42
and oh yeah
11:44
I think that the balance between work
11:49
and prayer is something I'll be learning
11:52
more about in the years to come because
11:53
the longer you're here the more
11:55
responsibilities you assume I'm always
11:58
very edified by the way some sisters
12:02
managed to balance huge responsibilities
12:05
and their prayer life very effortlessly
12:07
I have a feeling that's going to be a
12:09
learning curve for me because I'm a very
12:11
big accomplished
12:14
letting things go or not doing that one
12:18
more thing that I could do is extremely
12:20
challenging for me for me fitting
12:24
together prayer and work is is a huge
12:28
issue in my life and an area where there
12:33
is no little conflict and difficulty
12:35
especially now I think up until now I
12:41
wouldn't say that I found a harmony and
12:46
a balance to my satisfaction it pushes
12:50
the envelope and it makes me realize
12:53
that if I want to be a person of prayer
12:58
and if I want to grow in this continual
13:03
awareness of God's presence which is our
13:05
core then I really need to work for more
13:14
than 60 years candy-making has been the
13:17
main source of income for the sisters
13:19
they came here from Ireland in 1949 back
13:25
then the community relied on bread
13:27
banking and a herd of dairy cows for the
13:30
income they needed that changed in the
13:34
mid 1950s when the sisters terminated
13:37
the bread industry and added the candy
13:40
business to the herd of dairy cows
13:45
four American sisters were among the
13:48
sisters sent from the abbey of Glencairn
13:51
who established the foundation at Mount
13:54
Saint Mary's which became the first
13:56
monastery of Travis teen sisters in the
13:59
United States sister Carol pull ahem is
14:03
the only founder still living I'm 91
14:08
I'll soon be 92 sister Carol remembers
14:13
clearly back then the sisters knew
14:16
nothing about making candy candy we had
14:22
dear friend Joseph Kranz man who first
14:27
helped herself
14:28
it was his candy Department and we had
14:33
any helping us make Carl's we had no
14:36
machinery we just wrapped them by hands
14:42
but we managed to make it and then we
14:46
expanded and then we got very big now in
14:54
the autumn of her life sister Carol
14:56
still finds meaning in the silence and
14:59
solitude of the monastery well first of
15:02
all you have an attraction to God and
15:06
even an intimate relationship with him
15:11
you wouldn't be paired from us
15:13
for any reason whatever you that's your
15:17
life
15:25
[Music]
15:31
life here at the Abbey is a simple one
15:34
seven times during the day
15:36
the sisters gathered together to pray
15:39
[Music]
15:53
vigils begins at 3:20 every morning then
16:02
in what is called the great silence the
16:06
sisters bask in the quiet and devote an
16:11
hour or more to prayer and Alexio Divina
16:36
every day includes the celebration of
16:40
mass to be a little bit more free on
16:50
this and to enter and to link the whole
16:51
phrase together VDC say just try that
16:54
little phrase together sitting down
16:55
singing practices are frequent will
17:01
stand up by the laws here we go
17:06
nothing coming from this have you
17:09
resigned or what here we go
17:12
once a month the sisters joyfully work
17:15
with their giant master father Gabriel a
17:18
Trappist monk from st. Joseph's Abbey in
17:22
nearby Spencer Massachusetts
17:27
[Music]
17:34
okay now two things two things number
17:36
one the ten you rushing oh sure and
17:42
throughout each day the sisters steady
17:46
rhythm of life continues
17:52
[Music]
18:06
[Music]
18:12
I know how much you have been enjoying
18:16
hearing each one's vocations story and
18:19
so today we're going to hear from one of
18:21
our newest members Jennifer good
18:25
afternoon everyone so when I was in the
18:32
fourth grade and at that point I met a
18:35
religious sister for the first time in
18:37
my life and she was a Dominican and
18:39
within the first few weeks of school I
18:42
went home and said to my mother I want
18:44
to be a sister like sister Anthony and
18:46
she was sort of like who are you you
18:49
can't be my child because we are not
18:52
that type of family okay
18:54
and so it's like yes I'm not sure what
18:58
I'm going to do but I want to do
18:59
something big and important for God
19:01
I have long desired to know God more
19:04
deeply and more fully and it's in
19:09
Ephesians to know the love of Christ
19:11
which is beyond understanding and I've
19:14
sort of been holding that with me for
19:16
many months now to know more deeply the
19:20
love of Christ that is beyond
19:22
understanding and I was like I want to
19:25
be a trap Steve I'm like this is it and
19:28
my parents were like you definitely have
19:30
gone crazy
19:31
why are you like like stay in school
19:35
Jennifer the end of their day arrives in
19:48
the early evening and is marked by the
19:51
final period of prayer called complan
19:55
which starts at 7:05
20:01
[Music]
20:13
then off to bed and some seven hours
20:16
later another day of prayer
20:19
Lexi Oh Davina and work will begin each
20:28
sister sleeps in a small room called a
20:31
cell it is austere and uncluttered only
20:36
a crucifix hangs on the wall meals are
20:44
shared together in the monasteries
20:46
refectory while one sister may read
20:53
sacred and inspired writings the
20:56
community eats in silence the formation
21:15
of the sisters is rigorous some come
21:19
here and spend many years discerning
21:21
whether God might be calling them to
21:24
this Cistercian vocation
21:33
instead of interrupting and filling in
21:35
the spaces to be comfortable with what
21:38
seems like gods silence and wait for him
21:42
to say to us what he really wants to say
21:45
because the silences is a big part of
21:48
the conversation it's learning to listen
21:51
until the true words come up these young
21:57
women are in the early stages of
21:59
formation they are learning about the
22:02
demanding discipline involved in fully
22:04
embracing the silence and solitude
22:12
sister Katie McNamara is the director of
22:15
vocations it was very clear to me that
22:18
God was calling me and it came from deep
22:22
inside my heart and there was no way
22:24
that I could say no I have believed from
22:28
the very start as a very young woman
22:30
that I have been called by the greatest
22:32
lover the world has ever known
22:34
into the greatest love affair that has
22:36
ever existed and that once you've fallen
22:39
in love with God there's no way that you
22:43
can't follow
22:43
I cannot imagine living any other way
22:46
except this life here it holds
22:48
everything for me that I have always
22:51
wanted I think I had always been looking
22:53
for it but never really knew where to
22:56
find it and when I stepped across the
22:58
threshold here of this Abbey 25 years
23:01
ago I knew that this is home and that
23:04
this is where I belong the Trappist
23:07
Dean's at Mount Saint Mary's are an
23:09
international community many of the
23:13
journeys ending up here began in many
23:15
different parts of the world I was born
23:18
in England and I grew up in Wales I come
23:21
from a small town in Bavaria originally
23:24
Scotland born and raised until I was 13
23:27
years old I was in Brazil Sao Paulo so
23:30
from Australia
23:31
I come from Queensland but they all
23:34
ended up here knowing one thing for
23:37
certain it was God who called them to
23:41
this life
23:47
in recalling how God touched their lives
23:50
so deeply and so visibly the sisters are
23:55
thoughtful and reflective slow to speak
23:59
what is etched so deeply in their hearts
24:05
you know all of the sisters have very
24:09
little in common except that they've all
24:12
been called to live this life but that's
24:15
so huge that we've all agreed that we
24:19
will come here and do our best to put
24:22
aside everything that does not lead to
24:24
God and to help each other to do that
24:27
it's not really something you can do
24:29
alone
24:30
I'm originally from Wisconsin I'm a
24:33
fairly recent convert to the Catholic
24:35
faith so I had very little religious
24:39
instruction growing up you would say I
24:43
didn't know about prayer I didn't know
24:45
about Scripture I never went to church I
24:47
wasn't baptized all all the rest of that
24:49
I don't know where it came from but I
24:52
always had a deep conviction that there
24:56
was another world other than this one
24:58
that I couldn't see and that there were
25:02
people there waiting for me and that I
25:05
had to figure out how to get there I
25:07
don't know where that came from nobody
25:10
ever would have said anything like that
25:11
to me but I had a clear sense of
25:17
something existing beyond what was in
25:21
front of my face beyond what I could see
25:23
and as I grew up that clarified for me a
25:29
little bit more into not just a world
25:33
but but a person I think you I was
25:36
around seventeen
25:39
when I became aware of a very distinct
25:43
presence in my life that I would call a
25:46
personal presence not just a general but
25:49
a personal and unloving presence all I
25:55
can say is that I knew I knew very much
25:59
that I was loved by someone infinitely
26:04
lovable and although I wouldn't have
26:07
used the word God because I didn't grow
26:09
up with that word I knew that my life
26:12
needed to be about finding out about
26:15
that person and I always promised myself
26:19
that if I ever did find out more about
26:22
that person that I would give up
26:24
everything to to be with him I didn't
26:29
envision I did not envisage this when I
26:33
was thinking about that but for me it
26:38
was all I was always kind of an
26:39
all-or-nothing proposition that this was
26:42
the most important thing in my heart and
26:44
that if I could ever find expression for
26:46
that if I could ever find a place where
26:50
other people knew about that and could
26:52
help me find this person that that would
26:55
be the place where I should be
26:56
and that turned into a monastic vocation
27:08
[Music]
27:23
I grew up in Virginia I grew up with my
27:27
younger brother and younger sister mom
27:29
and dad we were very we're still very
27:32
tight-knit close family I think the seed
27:36
was planted quite young in me at a
27:38
Sunday Mass I was maybe 12 or 13 a woman
27:42
got up at the end of Mass and said we're
27:46
looking for new volunteers we had this
27:47
organization in our parish and we get
27:49
together once a week and we pray and
27:51
there's also a component of service and
27:54
the members also pray the rosary every
27:57
day and my heart was so drawn to that
27:59
and I there was something in me even at
28:03
that age where I really wanted to pray
28:04
more going to Mass wasn't enough going
28:07
to daily Mass wasn't enough going to
28:10
daily Mass and prayer after mass after
28:12
work was not enough I just needed more
28:13
and I know that God has called me here
28:16
and I could live I could get another job
28:20
I could find great housemates again and
28:24
but it wouldn't be enough it wouldn't be
28:27
enough
28:30
I am a Jewish convert we were a
28:36
conservative Jewish family I mean we had
28:39
a kosher home I went to Hebrew school
28:41
but by the time I was a sophomore in
28:45
college it was all put aside I mean I
28:49
wanted nothing to do with it I was
28:51
experiencing intense spiritual hunger
28:54
and I used to walk around and these
28:58
wordless melodies would come up from my
29:01
depths like lamentations I mean I was I
29:06
was crying to God and I didn't know him
29:09
and I was starving my soul was starving
29:12
I was starving for the Eucharist of
29:14
course I didn't know it back then but I
29:16
mean it was God's mercy that really you
29:18
know did it I didn't know what was
29:20
happening it was only in hindsight that
29:23
I that I could see but that was that was
29:26
where he pulled me it was it was an
29:28
inner hunger my vocation really begins
29:32
at the beginning of my life I have to
29:35
say I don't remember a time when I
29:38
didn't have a sense of God have some
29:42
desire for God and while I was in
29:45
college it was the beginning of my
29:48
sophomore year that I first explicitly
29:52
had a sense of call to the religious
29:55
life it happened after a period of of
30:01
searching questioning finding my
30:04
identity as an adult living separately
30:07
from my parents having the opportunity
30:09
for the first time to practice my faith
30:11
of my own volition as it were and coming
30:18
to realize that my desire for God was a
30:21
very significant part of my life and so
30:26
literally one day taking a walk it pops
30:29
into my head why not be a nun and what
30:33
that meant for me at that time really
30:36
when I looked into it was to be
30:39
consecrated to God to belong to God
30:42
that was what I desired when I was a
30:45
very young nun I entered at 19 and deep
30:49
within me I felt he may have been
30:50
calling me to a contemplatively but I
30:53
loved my order and I loved teaching so I
30:57
sort of put it on the back burner and
30:59
then I went to teach in northwestern
31:02
Australia there with the aboriginals
31:04
people and they were just it was just
31:06
heavenly
31:07
they were so simple and I remember it so
31:10
clearly I remember saying to God as I
31:14
walked across the grass and the heat
31:15
very very hot I said to God I'm just so
31:19
happy it was just a beautiful school
31:21
beautiful situation and I heard deep
31:24
within my heart but you haven't given me
31:27
everything yet so I knew that was the
31:30
time that I had to be honest with myself
31:32
and with someone else and speak about it
31:34
to someone else to get guidance and
31:37
that's when the journey towards the
31:39
contemplative life started I was
31:41
discerning what would lie life look like
31:45
if God did rule in me
31:49
[Music]
31:58
and the answer that gradually came to me
32:03
was amazing I would know that God is
32:10
said God lives because he would stand
32:16
with all the power of his mind and
32:18
goodness in my soul and I would
32:22
experience him as the holy one love
32:26
would fulfill its divine destiny between
32:29
God and me alone and yet include all
32:32
mankind this was for me a very
32:37
fundamental thought that would lead me
32:42
towards a search of God and deeper
32:46
spiritual growth and brought me finally
32:51
in touch with a monastic life but I
32:55
loved the silence and the peace and it
32:57
was so beautiful then I had an
33:00
experience of God and that was really
33:03
when I got the book my vocation I mean I
33:05
hadn't visited any religious orders or
33:08
anything but the experience was that him
33:10
God was love God existed and God was
33:15
real if I had wings I would have flown
33:18
away I mean I felt so light and like I
33:22
said it was a new day and and everything
33:24
seemed to change right after college I
33:28
needed something else I was very active
33:32
in my church my parish but it wasn't
33:36
enough I wanted to give more of my life
33:39
not necessarily religious life either I
33:41
just wanted more of me to him but I came
33:46
and I thought this is nice but you
33:49
wouldn't be really calling me to this
33:51
this is not my background this is this
33:52
is not it because I was from the
33:55
charismatic renewal background jump
33:57
dance put your hands up in the air and
33:59
that kind of thing but three years into
34:03
the search and
34:05
visiting different communities I
34:08
couldn't get the place out of my mind
34:10
the image of our outdoor the sisters
34:14
everything just came and it was steady
34:17
but when that image of that altar came
34:20
it was something from in out it was it
34:25
was more than I could resist so I had to
34:28
say yes and take a step forward I had a
34:33
very distinct sense that this was the
34:37
place that Jesus was calling me to it
34:40
happened I wouldn't say the moment I
34:42
walked across the threshold a monastic
34:44
spirituality certain aspects touched me
34:50
in particular but one one most of all
34:53
really and that was as our constitutions
34:58
put it only if the sisters prefer
35:01
nothing whatever to Christ will they be
35:03
happy to persevere in a life that is
35:06
ordinary obscure and laborious and I
35:10
knew when I heard that that I wanted
35:15
nothing more than Christ and that this
35:18
was a place where I could pursue that
35:21
with others who were similarly oriented
35:29
Cistercian spirituality demands the
35:32
sisters take time to pray and also take
35:36
time to work our life is geared to
35:40
finding God in every aspect of our life
35:44
but God just reveals himself in a
35:48
setting like this balance is the key to
35:52
making it all work together our younger
35:56
sisters find it very valuable to do
36:00
strenuous work and to interact with
36:02
living things
36:09
you know I don't see working prayer as
36:14
two very different things
36:15
for me it's like a many-faceted diamond
36:20
and so the Sun shines on maybe working
36:24
in the infirmary maybe working in the
36:26
business office maybe private prayer
36:29
maybe serving someone basically when I
36:35
serve others I feel closer to God in
36:38
prayer
36:38
so when serving when call to even do the
36:41
dishes quietly that to me is being with
36:45
Jesus and that's to me is what prayer is
36:47
about it's like a one beautiful diamond
36:51
that the Sun shines all over the place I
36:53
do find more and more that I don't feel
36:58
work is as separate from prayer as I did
37:02
when I first came here but I think work
37:05
is a very important grounding influence
37:08
for me I like that we do manual labor I
37:12
like that we do things with our hands
37:14
you do something you can feel and touch
37:16
and see Kandee work is is primary the
37:25
the work that we do but so mornings
37:28
usually I do Candi work and then in the
37:30
afternoon it varies I do grounds with
37:33
sister Jane I work with a sheep once a
37:36
week once or twice a week and I have
37:39
what's called a compost of charge which
37:42
I take care of all the buckets with all
37:44
the leftover food and and in the compost
37:49
our work is often very quiet and so and
37:54
simple manual very repetitive types of
37:57
work I very much just frees your mind to
38:00
be able to think about God just to
38:03
really be present if I am coding munch
38:05
am I really present or am I thinking
38:07
about what I'm gonna do when candy work
38:09
is over or this afternoon or tonight or
38:11
what I need to do later do you know am I
38:13
really in this moment and one of the
38:16
beautiful things about
38:19
silence at work is really being able to
38:21
remember I am here to be with God and is
38:24
that what I'm doing in this moment or am
38:26
I thinking about everything else besides
38:29
what would I am doing work and prayer
38:32
aren't separated just because I'm
38:34
working doesn't mean I'm not so
38:38
attentive to God or why I'm in the
38:40
monastery or attentive to my vocation
38:43
I'm a workaholic I love to work so again
38:50
the transition between working out in
38:52
the world and working here is very
38:54
different
38:56
I liked 9 10-hour shifts because I could
38:59
get a lot done here it's two to two and
39:01
a half hour shifts and if you're not
39:04
done at the bell ring you've got to go
39:06
so work becomes a way to prayer so
39:16
sometimes I need it because of the
39:18
physical activity and that helps the
39:21
mind but sometimes it just creates an
39:26
environment that I can just have a
39:28
conversation with God my favorite job is
39:37
the compost charge there's nothing to it
39:42
that will distract me from trying to
39:45
pray and to have that conversation with
39:48
God and even if a little bit of pride
39:51
starts to sneak in all I have to do is
39:53
take a big sniff thank you exactly where
39:56
I am and go back to where I need to be
40:00
I've been falling in love with the
40:03
Psalms and so for me work especially
40:07
because it's not a mind work
40:09
it helps me to to memorize the Psalms
40:13
and she just recite it
40:17
the reality is that the call to love God
40:20
in the cloister of the monastery means
40:23
the Trappist teens will have limited
40:26
contact with anyone beyond the
40:28
boundaries of the abbey that is one of
40:31
the most difficult parts of answering
40:33
the call it was quite difficult and
40:38
painful our family is quite tight-knit
40:42
so to have this profound experience of
40:46
God calling me to something that I
40:48
really couldn't even put into words and
40:51
then to try to explain that to my family
40:54
when on some level all they could see
40:58
was I'm leaving you know I'm leaving and
41:02
there's going to be this great
41:03
separation and I can't I can't talk to
41:07
you whenever I want to I can't visit you
41:09
whenever I want to I can't I mean it was
41:14
quite painful it was quite painful I
41:17
didn't know I'd be so lonely when I came
41:23
loneliness has led me closer to Jesus
41:27
because he's helping me in those moments
41:31
so when anyone asks me why did you do it
41:34
there's only one reason in my life and
41:37
the reason is love it's why I entered at
41:41
the beginning when I was young it's why
41:43
I followed this vocation which I didn't
41:46
realize would be quite as hard leaving
41:48
my country as it was and remember my my
41:51
mother was very upset because she said
41:53
you're leaving your country your family
41:55
the audio love for something you know
41:57
nothing about and I said yes because I
42:00
know the reason is love and the love of
42:03
Jesus obviously and that's what's held
42:08
me all the way along and the ups and
42:10
downs the valleys and the mountains and
42:12
the rivers that we've had to cross but
42:15
he's the call love so that wherever I've
42:17
been on the journey of life he's been
42:19
waiting there even if I wonder a little
42:21
bit he'll be there waiting to call me
42:23
back and so that's the reason and that's
42:27
why I'm here living a regimented life of
42:31
silence and solitude is not easy
42:35
confronting and embracing the silence is
42:38
a significant challenge that was
42:43
something that attracted me before I
42:45
came it was also something that
42:47
terrified me in some way when I was an
42:50
observer I came for six weeks to live
42:54
with the sisters before entering to have
42:56
an experience of the life more
42:58
intimately and during that time I was
43:01
struck with a mortal terror solitude and
43:04
silence and of and of the kind of
43:07
integrity that that demands there is a
43:10
real responsibility I mean there's a
43:12
formation that comes but at that time it
43:15
was a moment of fear and trembling and
43:17
and just this deep down conviction that
43:20
this is the way this is the way walk in
43:23
it were formed not to be afraid to be
43:26
silent together
43:27
it's a solitude of the heart not of the
43:32
body and
43:33
and you carry it around with you all the
43:35
time for me I love it I love it when I'm
43:42
alone something happens inside your
43:48
heart that you become almost true to
43:56
yourself true to myself
43:58
I love being hidden I want to be hidden
44:02
in God's heart that's where I live
44:04
that's where I want to be the sisters
44:08
all confess that another reality of
44:11
their life is confronting their own
44:13
weaknesses and the ever-present duty to
44:17
grow in virtue the toughest part is to
44:21
see yourself so clearly to see
44:35
to see everything in yourself that is
44:38
not yet converted and that might not be
44:41
for a long time if ever this this side
44:45
of the grave to see that and to trust
44:50
still that you are loved not just by God
44:54
but by your sisters who see it too it's
44:57
it's there for everyone to see to trust
45:00
also in their mercy and their compassion
45:03
going into those unknowns when God's
45:07
will
45:08
reveals itself is something different
45:11
it's like jumping off a cliff you know
45:14
and obedience is a really central thing
45:19
where you we really believe in faith
45:22
that your life is not your own the most
45:28
difficult part is being called beyond my
45:32
comfort zone
45:33
in terms of interpersonal relationships
45:39
which reveal
45:50
which reveal that which in me is in the
45:56
way which prevents me from loving my
46:00
sisters as I should one of the most
46:04
difficult things is just accepting
46:06
yourself as you are before God and
46:09
growing always growing growing can be
46:13
difficult and seeing things in yourself
46:15
that you'd rather not this is a life in
46:17
which God is determined to make us like
46:20
Jesus oh we want to live in peace
46:24
together to give our life credibility
46:28
and to really live it before God that
46:31
God can make it a blessing for the world
46:35
and he puts us in a community and with
46:39
sisters who we would never choose and
46:44
the the interactions and the happenings
46:48
and the trials are all meant to fashion
46:54
Christ in us my mom said a long time ago
46:58
people are saying you you have escaped
47:02
you know to a peaceful life and I said
47:05
well it's not really an escape because
47:10
we have this Val of stability and so you
47:13
if you're not getting along with someone
47:15
you can't get out of a situation you
47:17
have to really work through it and she
47:19
said you mean the sisters don't get a
47:21
lot more people don't realize that it's
47:25
your life and that you bring and
47:28
everyone else brings their own
47:31
unfinished selves and that we're willing
47:35
to commit to each other to to grow and
47:39
to allow other people to grow but that's
47:42
very painful so it's a struggle the
47:44
journey but at the heart of it is this
47:48
tremendous groundedness in in christ the
47:56
best part in this life is that we are
47:59
called to prayer which the best part
48:06
being hidden with God with all these
48:09
wonderful other people who are all on
48:11
the same journey who have God as their
48:15
as a main focus of their life being
48:17
invited to know Jesus Christ and to
48:22
follow him and to become like him
48:28
the best part I think would be the
48:31
search for God but the search for God is
48:33
very mysterious because it never turns
48:36
out the way you planned
48:37
cuz God is always full of surprises the
48:45
best part is knowing that I belong to
48:48
the one for whom I looked for so long I
48:54
[Music]
48:56
think what is most beautiful to me is is
48:59
the morning the time between when we
49:03
wake up at 3:00 and in-laws which begins
49:07
at at 6:30 it's called the great silence
49:11
and it is a very very great thing it is
49:13
a very great silence and it's it's very
49:17
real that it penetrates your heart that
49:19
the longer you're here and I stay in
49:24
church for about an hour and a half
49:26
every morning just in the darkness just
49:29
silently praying I couldn't live without
49:33
that I'm not sure if I can tell you why
49:38
inwards because sometimes it's very you
49:44
know it's very beautiful and and
49:46
sometimes it just feels like I'm just
49:49
there and nothing terribly exciting is
49:53
happening but regardless of how I feel
49:57
about it on a deeper level it's feeding
50:03
me and I could never I could never walk
50:07
away from that
50:08
you
50:09
[Music]
50:10
in the mysterious hidden life of the
50:14
Trappist Dean's the reason they
50:17
continued to cherish their life in the
50:19
monastery is the reality of the divine
50:22
love they know and experience so deeply
50:27
[Music]
50:31
in the quiet when as a community they
50:36
pray and sing hymns of joy and
50:38
Thanksgiving when they serve the sister
50:44
as they live with
50:46
[Music]
50:50
break bread with
50:54
[Music]
50:58
and work with
51:03
[Music]
51:07
from the mundane routine of the compost
51:10
pile to the garden pruning blueberries
51:18
to stimulate the new still sleeping
51:21
springtime growth to the barn
51:29
shepherding the sheep from which their
51:31
will will be used to make blankets
51:38
theirs is a life of mission and purpose
51:41
the purpose of our being here is to pray
51:47
for the needs of the world and there is
51:50
such great suffering and such great need
51:53
and pain in the world and our response
51:58
is just to embrace all of that and in
52:00
our own struggles our own daily life in
52:04
a very mysterious way we are separated
52:07
and we are closer and yet I feel that I
52:09
serve just as importantly or as just as
52:14
powerfully as I did when I worked with
52:16
the poor directly I'm here to intercede
52:19
I'm here to pray for these people in
52:22
need for for everyone I know that this
52:24
is the mission and the ministry that God
52:26
has given me there is a flight to God to
52:33
the God who loved the world so much that
52:37
He gave His only Son and I think the
52:41
more we seek that God and the more we
52:45
come to know that God
52:47
the law we desire to embrace the world
52:52
that he loves so much
52:59
when Jesus says that the one who gives
53:04
up everything will get it back a
53:05
hundredfold
53:10
he isn't just using a figure of speech
53:13
it's a very real thing and the longer
53:16
I'm here and the more I let go of the
53:19
more I realized that you really do get
53:21
it back in some way that's more
53:25
beautiful than you could ever imagine
53:26
but you have to let go first for a long
53:31
time I really I was waiting for this
53:34
certainty I think I had this time of
53:36
great uncertainty was God still asking
53:39
this of me or did he change his mind but
53:42
now it now is it's quite clear it's
53:44
quite clear to me into the community
53:46
that God has called me here I had looked
53:51
for this person for so long that when I
53:55
finally found him and found that there
53:58
was a place where I could give him
54:00
everything it was almost a foregone
54:02
conclusion I had been a seeker my whole
54:05
life that once I had found what I was
54:09
seeking
54:12
it was an all-or-nothing thing it was
54:14
this is you and and I love you and and I
54:18
want to give you my life
54:27
[Music]
54:45
Oshin
54:48
[Music]
55:09
welcoming me
55:11
[Music]
55:33
show yourself our lover he will hear
55:40
you're feeding your I shall turn Condor
55:49
is hungry ceiling
55:52
[Music]
55:59
trend last of all virgins
56:04
god I love be faithful keepers from
56:11
[Music]
56:14
gentle strong and greed
56:18
[Music]
56:30
[Laughter]
56:35
[Music]
57:16
I had to write a letter to us to enter
57:20
and and I couldn't write that letter I
57:22
couldn't put into words why it was that
57:24
I wanted to come and the last thought
57:29
was I can't live a long-distance
57:32
relationship with you anymore
57:34
meaning with God I want to end this I I
57:39
don't want to go to Mass and then go to
57:41
work and then go to visit a friend I
57:44
want you at all times
57:47
[Music]
58:25
you
