my name is Beth and I want to share with
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you my testimony on how I became saved
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by the grace of God into a relationship
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with Jesus Christ I grew up in a house
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that didn't really talk much about
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religion or God my mom's side of the
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family was Mormon and so often on I
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would go to the Mormon Church with my
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grandma I don't really remember ever
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hearing about Jesus or getting a real
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understanding of who God was from the
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church I think that the idea I had about
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God as a child was the big guy in the
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sky who was sitting up in heaven looking
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down on us and watching us and judging
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us and that when you die you go to
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heaven and my grandma was very very
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devout Mormon very strong in her beliefs
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and um I think I just felt that as I
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grew up that she seemed very judgmental
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and critical and all about roles and
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that was a turn-off for me um she talked
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about Heavenly Father but I didn't
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really understand who that was or what
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that meant um and so I just kind of got
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the idea that Christians were judgmental
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hypocrites and I just assumed that
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Mormons were also Christians because I
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didn't know any better and I went along
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like that until I was about 16 or 17 and
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an ex-boyfriend I had committed suicide
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and it made a huge impact in my life
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because I felt partly responsible before
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he had killed himself not right before
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but a few days
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is for a week maybe he had called me and
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wanted to talk to me and I told him no
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because he had lied and been very
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deceptive and hurtful to me and I had no
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trust for him and I didn't want to open
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up to him and talk to him after what had
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happened and so when he committed
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suicide I really felt like if I had just
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talked to him I could have helped him I
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could have saved him and so I really
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blamed myself and I decided that at that
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point time there is no God you die and
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you go on the ground on your bury your
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bones rot and that's it there's nothing
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else and my dad decided to talk to me
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about God at that point in time and I
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didn't want to have anything to do with
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it I don't care I had made my decision
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I decided I'm an atheist I don't want to
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hear what you have to say it's a little
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late and it went around about that way
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for about a year I was always a very
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depressed person even as a child
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um and happy miserable I didn't like
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myself I thought it was ugly fat
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whatever I just was miserable I was
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depressed I was suicidal myself
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um and then see any point to life and
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understand any point to life all the big
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questions that people ask why are we
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here what is our purpose why do we exist
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what happens when we die there seemed no
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real meaning to any of it it seemed
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pointless Hollow and about a year after
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that incident um I meant a couple to
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Wiccans a man and a woman and they began
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to befriend me and talk to me about
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their beliefs and about how they saw God
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and opened me up to a new way of
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thinking about God that I had never
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thought about before about God is
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everywhere God as in
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everything causes a part of everything
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everyone and it made sense to me I liked
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the idea I wanted to learn more and I
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just really grabbed hold of these ideas
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and read books about paganism witchcraft
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Wicca I was just got very into the
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occult tarot cards astrology divination
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I had my own personal altar I cast
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spells and in rituals chanted I worship
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to the moon I literally would go sit
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outside at night and worship the moon
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I would bask and its glow it was a
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goddess to me I speak to it worship it
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probably pray to it really and the same
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with the ocean I worship the ocean I
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worship creation animals
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I thought animals were higher than
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people
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I was completely open to everything that
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was unnatural really I'm a sexuality
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abortion all different religions I
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studied Native American religion
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Buddhism Hinduism and I just pick and
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choose everything that sounded good and
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felt good if it felt good and it didn't
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hurt anyone how could it be wrong you
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know I didn't believe in Satan I didn't
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believe and evil
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I thought Satan was a mythical creature
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just something made up I believe more in
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like fairies and unicorns to be real
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than in Satan because as a witch which I
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took very seriously I didn't believe in
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Satan and worship Satan um being a witch
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was about being one with creation in air
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well it wasn't call I didn't call it
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creation I called it nature being one
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that's nature and the mother earth and
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you know the gods and the goddesses and
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they all had you know we have gods and
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God
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for all seasons and stages of life and
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everything and those cells in rituals
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were never to harm anyone for the most
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part there were probably a couple times
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when it wasn't necessarily to harm
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anyone but to protect myself or someone
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else and it was definitely backfired
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then there's Halloween and Easter and
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that wasn't called Easter
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Ostara and you'll and they were just hi
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holy holidays for witches to be
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celebrated and you know dancing outside
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naked just being wild and free
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getting a touch with their animal side
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and whatever I just did some crazy
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things
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it felt good and it felt right you know
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I was so lustful and stuck Tove I mean I
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literally tattooed and on my arm because
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I so strongly believed in all of it and
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as I went and learned I just started
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deciding what was real and what was not
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really no and I was one with the
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universe of everything and everyone in
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it it was a very serious thing for me
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and I can see how I got my start young
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um watching movies and reading books
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about vampires and witches it was so
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seductive and exciting and I wanted to
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be a part of it and to be a real witch
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was so cool you know I wanted to move to
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Salem and join a coven and I just I
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thought Christians were all liars and
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hypocrites they stole everything
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Christmas and Easter they stole it from
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us pagans you know we found we had our
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roots and the ancient peoples and
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Christians were a new newer
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religion that stole everything and I
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said they're all liars liars and
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hypocrites as I got older and I started
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having kids and my life changed I didn't
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feel comfortable with some of that stuff
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for my kids and want to go dancing naked
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and doing rituals with my kids I wanted
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them to have normal lives
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normal childhoods the way I grew up and
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celebrating you know with the Easter
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Bunny and Santa Claus and so I set some
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of that stuff on the back burner burner
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but in my heart and then my soul it was
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everything I believe wholeheartedly 100%
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lived in evolution and I believe we came
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from monkeys I believe you know life
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started ocean as primordial ooze that
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crawled out I mean all that I believed
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all of it and it was it was real to me I
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didn't want to hear anything about
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Christianity and I want God to judge me
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I didn't want to be told who I needed to
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be what I needed to think how I needed
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to feel how I needed to act cuz to me
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Christianity was rules and I've had had
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people tell me your Center you're gonna
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go to hell and I was like there is no
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such thing as hell I don't even know
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what you're talking about
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sin that's BS you're full I don't
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believe in any of that you know I want
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Ted hey have you ever heard about Jesus
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do you know who Jesus is I had no idea
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Jesus was a swear word to me it cost
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like a sailor and I actually thought it
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was hilarious
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to take his name in vain to make fun of
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him to make him nothing I didn't know
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who he was he was some long hair guy in
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robes I meant nothing to me I had no
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idea
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and even necessarily relate him to God
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because God was that big guy in the sky
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and so as life went on I had considered
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myself a very spiritual person and I
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started feeling like I was out of touch
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with my spirituality and I wanted to get
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that connection back
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I missed my spiritual side and I wanted
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my kids to have spirituality but I
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didn't know how to teach them about it I
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didn't even know what to teach them I
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talked to them about different gods and
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goddesses and about Yule and winter
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solstice and the true meaning of
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Halloween which is soin which is a huge
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pagan holiday but I didn't push them too
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much into it I did teach him a lot about
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evolution though because believe in God
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creating the world in seven days and
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when my son brought a Bible home I
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opened it up and read it to him and I
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laughed and I told him don't believe in
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those lies don't ever believe in that
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and I made fun of Christians because the
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last thing I wanted was my for my kids
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to ever believe in any of that ever I
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knew the truth Christians did not so I
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tried we tried Unitarian Universalist
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Church for a while and it seemed great
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all the different religions they
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incorporated and I wanted community but
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I just didn't feel right so we tried the
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Unity Church and it was a little bit
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weird but again they incorporated all
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the different religions and it seemed
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good but it's just not right so we
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stopped doing that too and I just I had
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this huge empty hole inside of me I
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didn't know how to fill it out fill it
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and I was miserable I was lonely not
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only with my family but just I knew
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there was something more for me
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something bigger that I was meant to be
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a part of and I couldn't figure out how
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to be a part of it
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I wanted more
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I wanted to be more always that I was a
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good person but I wanted to do something
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but that good person s that was trying
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to be and my husband I bought a house in
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a town the next town over and started
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looking online at different churches and
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I just really wanted community I wanted
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spirituality and they all believed in
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the Holy Trinity and different other
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doctrines up I just couldn't I couldn't
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go with I just really felt Lyra lies we
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tried the Unity Church over near a new
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house and it was so horrible and awkward
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I asked my husband if we could just
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leave and go to this other Presbyterian
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Church that was having a service and he
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said we could try it out
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and we went over to this church I'd
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pretty much never set foot in a
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Christian Church before in my entire
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life that was two years ago I was 37 at
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the time and I tell you sitting in that
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service I felt like I was at home which
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is so very strange for me because it was
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against everything I believed in I would
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rather lift that place on fire I hated
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Christians
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I took a pamphlet from the Pew and I
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read it and it seemed interesting I
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wanted to know more before I would have
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ripped it up during the garbage stomped
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on it made fun of it left about how
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stupid they were I wanted to know more
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we have literally been back to church
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every single Sunday since then I've been
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baptized I've become members of the
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church I'm active in the church I'm on
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the worship team I'm just 100% different
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um I can't tell you exactly how that
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happened except that in Jeremiah
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I believe it's 29 13 it says if you seek
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me you will find me when you seek me
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with all your heart
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and I was seeking with all my heart and
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all my soul God was there and I can look
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back and say he never he never once left
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my side he never once forsake me and I
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had a lot of bad things happen in my
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life I had a lot of reasons to be
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miserable and angry I had been raped
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I had pummels with my family had been
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suicidally depressed and I can go on
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abusive relationships after abusive
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relationship drug addiction alcoholism
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all of it but God has transformed me
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into a completely new creation I like to
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say extreme makeover by Jesus
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I have joy now in my heart joy of the
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Lord I'm not depressed anymore
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I don't want to die I found purpose in
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life to love and to love others and I am
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so so blessed and so thankful for
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everything the good and the bad you know
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whenever I started reading in the Bible
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after we started going to church I
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started reading Matthew I fell
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completely in love with Jesus I was
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amazed I had no idea who he was I had no
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concept of who he was at all
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and I still had questions though how
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could God create the world in seven days
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how could there have been a flood over
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the whole earth but the Holy Spirit came
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upon me and revealed truth to me I
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literally got on my knees and gave my
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entire life over to God and I said God I
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believe in you you're the one true
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living God and give you my life take me
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and use me God as a tool for your
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kingdom for your glory and boy has my
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life been a rollercoaster ever since
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then I don't celebrate Halloween anymore
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I got rid of everything of the occult a
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new age for my house I stopped watching
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right in our movies and TV I barely
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watch PG anymore
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I mean God has given me a sensitivity to
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all that cussing and violence and sex
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and all that stuff I just makes me
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uncomfortable now one before I didn't
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care I reveled in it
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it was great and um I'm just God has a
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plan for everybody no matter where you
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have been no matter what you have done
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no one is ever too lost for the reach of
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God to pull you in to his loving embrace
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no matter what you believe no matter
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what you have done the truth is there
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it's always inside of us it's whether we
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choose to finally open up and accept it
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as truth the veil has truly been lifted
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from before my eyes I no longer see the
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world in the same way anymore I now have
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a filter a biblical filter in which I
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view the world God has given me a heart
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for the lost and the homeless and for
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the suffering and we're full of
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suffering in this world and I know
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suffering I've experienced suffering and
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I want nothing more
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than to see deliverance come to those
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who are hurting Jesus came to free the
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captives and that is why we're here as
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Christians to free the captives to come
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into the saint and graced to come before
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the throne of God
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it has mercy to receive as gift of
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forgiveness and to believe that Jesus
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Christ is the Lord and God who died on
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the cross to save us from our sins
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because without that we don't go to
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heaven and God does judge he will judge
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us on the final day and he will decide
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our fate but it is never too late to
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make a decision to change our ways to
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repent and to give give ourselves over
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to a loving father who wants nothing
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more then what's best for us
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I was so rebellious for so long and it
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caused me nothing but misery and so I
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implore you if you've been seeking
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searching if you felt lost alone
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hopeless wondering what your purpose is
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seek Jesus seek him with all your heart
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and there you will find him because he
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is there and he is waiting and he loves
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you with an everlasting love and the
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Bible it says God has written our hands
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our names on the palm of his hands that
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is love what love is it that someone
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would die for us there's no other love
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like that no other love and it's not
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just that Jesus died for us he suffered
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came down from earth from heaven where
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he was glorified the Angels would sing
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for him he was their creation everything
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was created through him but he came down
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as a person and not just any person a
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poor person and then ghetto who's
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despised his own people rejected him
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hated him condemned him to death
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he died the death of a criminal because
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his people just wanted to shut him up
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what he said it didn't fit in with their
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own plans for how things should be I
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thought they were keeping peace to just
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get rid of them
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he was whipped mocked spit on and he
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carried that cross which amore all of
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our sins and trekked of a mountain
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bloody beaten
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and as those soldiers nailed him to that
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cross he did it for love does anybody
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love you that much does anybody love you
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that much they would suffer for you that
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they would die for you only Jesus Christ
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does and so I just implore you to please
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seek him with all your heart god bless
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you and thank you for listening to my
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testimony aim
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